Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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