My first STD was from a foam party
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
