How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
