Pappa wants mamma naked
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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