Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
