why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
