Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
