the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
