You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
