At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
