We need to rekindle our bromance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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