First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
