mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
