I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
