got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
