sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
