I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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