My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
