I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
