just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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