Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
