I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
