I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
