Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
do nipples grow back?
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