last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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