I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
