dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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