Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
