I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
