dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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