Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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