my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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