3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
