I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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