Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
