You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Houston, we have a blender
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
