1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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