i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
