You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
