guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
