what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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