Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
