So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Terrible idea I love it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
