Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
