hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
