The maid of honor just puked.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
