The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
