she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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