If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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