Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
